


Brothers In Arms

by Katzedecimal



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Brotherhood, Crack, Gen, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-02 00:38:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Big brother's a bully, little brother's a brat - but when the chips are down, they know who they can really rely on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fit the First

**Author's Note:**

> Number 1 of 3 ficlets of pure silliness. More to come :)
> 
> nb: please please don't post any images of the spiders. Really, please don't. I already know what they look like and those who are that curious can Google for themselves. No need to trigger anybody's phobias on a silly fic, plsthx! ^______^

There were down-sides to this job, he thought as he gazed briefly at the ceiling. Shepherding dignitaries around wasn't normally one of them, it was more of a medium-side, a moderate-side... tedious but tolerable. Today he'd got one who made him want to shove glass shards under his fingernails.

He'd been forced to tag along to any number of brain-witheringly boring events and now _this._ This was just about the worst he could think of, he could barely sit still! He was fighting the urge to tear at what was left of his hair, scream and throw chairs about, just to relieve the tedium. He felt.. _My god, I feel just like Sherlock._

Well there was a thought. He stared at his phone, the trecherous thing. He really shouldn't do this. He really shouldn't. No, he really, really shouldn't. It would only end in tears, it really would. 

It definitely wouldn't be boring....

Then the master of ceremonies called out again and he started dialling.

[18:45 Mycroft Holmes] Trapped in bingo palace. Send help.

[18:52 SH] How does that happen?

[18:55 Mycroft Holmes] A hazard of babysitting duchesses. 

[18:56 SH] Drew the short straw, did you?

[18:57 Mycroft Holmes] Alas.

[19:03 SH] I rather imagine your face looks somewhat like this

Mycroft's lips twitched as the image of a sad-looking Persian kitten peered mournfully over the rim of a pet basket. He flipped to the front-facing camera on his phone and took a quick snap of himself then sent it. Then he waited, expecting.... yup, the side-by-side comparison of his dour expression and that of the kitten. 

[19:07 Mycroft Holmes] It appears to be an accurate assessment.

He had to bite his lip to keep the smirk under control as the next anticipated action of his brother came to fruition: His face, Photoshopped onto the kitten's body, peering over the rim of the pet bed. 

[19:10 Mycroft Holmes] Amusing.

[19:11 SH] I assumed that's why you texted me.

[19:14 Mycroft Holmes] Indeed. Unfortunately, it appears that the kittens are attracting the attention of elderly onlookers who keep wishing to peer over my shoulder.

Mycroft had to choke back an outright laugh at the next image to appear on his phone, an image of a large bird-eating spider, holding a bird and captioned "Is can be hug tiem nao?" The nosy old biddy who'd been cooing at the kitten peeked over his shoulder and shrieked. 

[19:18 Mycroft Holmes] Capital! A screech of satisfactory intensity.

He smirked as Sherlock sent an animated image of a maraca spider waving its ridiculous legs and captioned "Yay!"

[19:20 Mycroft Holmes] Why do you have a forlorn kitten on your phone?

[19:21 SH] Molly keeps sending them to me.

[19:21 Mycroft Holmes] Ah.

[19:21 SH] She believes they'll cheer me up.

[19:22 Mycroft Holmes] And do they?

[19:22 SH] No, not really.

[19:27 Mycroft Holmes] And an overly-curious 8 year old just splashed a dauber across my suit. There's 900 pounds I shan't see again.

[19:29 SH] Ouch. One of the bespoke ones?

[19:29 Mycroft Holmes] Unfortunately. There had been an itinerary but her Grace had other ideas.

[19:30 SH] I believe the current vernacular phrase is "Sucks to be you."

[19:30 Mycroft Holmes] At present, I cannot disagree.  
[19:34 Mycroft Holmes] Since I am forced to remain here with nothing else to occupy my attention and you appear to be in an unexpectedly amicable mood, I shall ask how you are spending your evening?

[19:37 SH] John's out with yet another date so I'm using the opportunity to get in some time studying the contents of mosquito stomaches. The diversity of DNA is really rather surprising considering the size. Humans like to believe otherwise, but really, the top of the food chain is occupied by mosquitoes.

[19:38 Mycroft Holmes] And the bottom by line dancers.

[19:38 SH] That's self-evident.

[19:39 Mycroft Holmes] Mosquitos have captured your interest now, have they?

[19:40 SH] Not really. I was bored and it beats bingo ;-)

[19:40 Mycroft Holmes] Once again, I am unable to disagree. 

[19:43 SH] How badly do you want to get out of there?

[19:43 Mycroft Holmes] Desperately. Why?

[19:44 SH] Because I've just stabbed myself with the scalpel. 

Mycroft blinked as an image of Sherlock's finger, sporting a cut with a thin ribbon of blood, appeared on his phone. 

[19:46 Mycroft Holmes] Best you treat that right away. Mosquitos are well known for carrying blood-borne diseases.

[19:46 SH] Don't be silly. I used a fresh one. Bring band-aids, we're down to the Hello Kitty ones that Molly brought over last spring.

Mycroft paused to consider that. Well, firstly the horror of Hello Kitty band-aids on men like Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But then he considered the offer. He reeeeeeeally wanted out of this place, but.. visit Sherlock? Without John there as a buffer between them? They got on each other's nerves badly enough as it was! 

Still... If there was one thing they both agreed on, it was that bingo halls were a level of Hell. And his little brother **had** just stabbed himself deliberately, to give Mycroft the excuse. But he had a job to do, he had been entrusted with entertaining the duchess, he knew where his duty lay.....

"Under the I, 37!"

"I'm terribly sorry, Your Grace, but I've just been informed that my little brother has been stabbed and lies injured and bleeding. I must attend him right away."

"Oh my goodness!!! Of course you must go, Mr. Holmes, I wouldn't have it otherwise! Mr. James and Mr. MacIsaac will be able to handle things just fine, I'm sure. Off you go, don't waste another second! Family first, you know!"

"Kind of you to understand, Your Grace."

Mycroft grabbed his coat and beat a hasty retreat, feeling guilty and bratty and oh so very free! As he stepped out into the cool London evening, his phone chimed.

[20:01 SH] Would you mind picking up some curry or something? Anything, really. I've just realized what the beeping was, it was the smoke alarm.

As the image of some badly charred chops downloaded onto his phone, Mycroft began to laugh.


	2. Fit the Second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Brothers Holmes have more in common than they like to admit.

Mycroft glanced down as his phone chirped, notifying him of an incoming text message. _Great, Sherlock, just what I needed right now..._ The fact that he was half-serious in that thought was just sad. He pulled out his phone and opened the text and was mildly surprised to see an image of a wet pet rat in a sitz bath, gazing up at the viewer with the most heart-wrenchingly pathetic 'why me?' expression. 

[11:17 Mycroft Holmes] Amusing. I was unaware that fancy rats were so expressive.

[11:18 SH] It's an accurate reflection of how I feel right now.

Mycroft lifted an eyebrow - it was rare that Sherlock ever described his feelings, although contrary to popular belief, he did have them. 

[11:19 Mycroft Holmes] Oh? It's quite a sunny day so you are unlikely referencing the 'drowned rat' metaphor, therefore you must be alluding to its expression. What are you doing that causes you such woe?

[11:21 SH] I have been kidnapped by trickery and am being tortured.

Mycroft felt his heart start to beat again at the next message. 

[11:21 SH] Inspector Lestrade told me he wanted to discuss a case only he neglected to mention that the place he wished to meet is a golf course.

[11:23 Mycroft Holmes] Golf.  
[11:23 Mycroft Holmes] You're playing golf.

Mycroft bit back a smirk as the image of a crying child downloaded. He should tell Sherlock that it was good to get out of the house. He should tell him that the fresh air and sunshine would do him good. He should tell him that it was nice of Inspector Lestrade to invite him, as people generally only wished to play golf with people whose company they appreciated. But he couldn't tell Sherlock any of it, because - to the astonishment of many - Mycroft himself hated golf and he just couldn't justify consigning his little brother like that. There was just one problem...

[11:25 Mycroft Holmes] I sympathise. Unfortunately, I myself am trapped at an office function. A potluck and social mixer. 

[11:27 SH] So you're also being tortured.

[11:27 Mycroft Holmes] This is correct.

He bit another smirk back as an image appeared of a cartoon lady with a decidedly exasperated, flummoxed expression, captioned "Well, fuck."

[11:29 Mycroft Holmes] An accurate summation, although I do not recognise the lady.

[11:29 SH] Lucrezia Mongfish, from the Girl Genius webcomic.   
[11:30 SH] Oops.

[11:30 Mycroft Holmes] "Oops"??

[11:31 SH] Apparently I've shot my balls all the way back across the 4th green.  
[11:31 SH] ...I wonder if I might be allowed to rephrase that sentence?  
[11:31 SH] Or blame autocorrect?

[11:32 Mycroft Holmes] Except we're both wise enough to disable that function. Unlike the Minister of Transportation, who sent me this, this morning. 

[11:33 SH] Oh dear.

[11:33 Mycroft Holmes] Although I am fond of his follow-up comment of "Holy shirtdress."

[11:34 SH] Ha! Yes.

[11:34 Mycroft Holmes] What hole are you playing?

[11:35 SH] 7th.

[11:36 Mycroft Holmes] And the hole your balls escaped off to?

[11:37 SH] Round the back.   
[11:37 SH] This is just getting worse.

[11:38 Mycroft Holmes] I do so despise golf, one can't even talk about it without sounding base.

[11:39 SH] That probably explains its popularity.

[11:40 Mycroft Holmes] You have a point.  
[11:41 Mycroft Holmes] If your balls have landed on the 4th green from the 7th, you must have struck them with considerable force.

[11:43 SH] I appear to be power-driving but it's completely unintentional. I'm not even trying to hit them! I swear, I give them a little tap and they just fly away! I knocked one right out of the park, literally, and they've only just found it on the far side of the highway.

[11:45 Mycroft Holmes] You're probably flicking your wrist. That sends a lot of extra force down the shaft that gets transmitted to the balls. 

[11:47 SH] I'm glad John isn't here, he'd have had a field day with that one.

[11:48 Mycroft Holmes] Oh? The good doctor is not with you? Leaving aside the stereotype of doctors and golf, I would not have thought he would abandon you to such a fate?

[11:50 SH] He's not here, no. He's off to argue with the Home Office again. He'd been gone 20 minutes when Lestrade called.

[11:51 Mycroft Holmes] Ah, no wonder you're suffering. But the Home Office? I thought I'd put an end to that?

[11:52 SH] They found something else. 

[11:53 Mycroft Holmes] How typically bureaucratic. Is the case interesting?

[11:54 SH] Not even remotely.

[11:54 Mycroft Holmes] Capital! I shall send the car around directly. I take it you have not had lunch?

[11:55 SH] I thought you had a potluck?

In answer, Mycroft turned his phone's camera and took a picture of the spread. 

[11:57 SH] That much potato salad?

[11:58 Mycroft Holmes] Indeed.

[11:58 SH] I'd have brought a haggis.

[11:59 Mycroft Holmes] By curious coincidence, just this morning I was contemplating 'What would Sherlock do?' and bringing a haggis did jump to mind. Gratifying to have it confirmed.

[12:00 SH] Well they'd never make you do a potluck again.

[12:01 Mycroft Holmes] Tempting, but I do wish to retain my position.

[12:02 SH] I take it you have a task in mind?

[12:04 Mycroft Holmes] You have only to make a choice, Sherlock. Which is worse, lunch with your brother and your friend, or golf?

[12:05 SH] That isn't a choice, it's a foregone conclusion.

[12:06 Mycroft Holmes] I expected as much. But if it's the Old Mill, you're buying.

[12:06 SH] Of course it is, and alright.

[12:07 Mycroft Holmes] That was quick.

[12:07 SH] If I control the bill, I control what you order so you won't fail your diet.

[12:08 Mycroft Holmes] Of course the country club at the golf course does have a credible buffet, or so I'm informed, also an all-afternoon happy hour.

[12:09 SH] Oh come on, it was one wisecrack, Mycroft!  
[12:10 SH] Alright alright, I'm sorry. I'll spring for lunch.  
[12:13 SH] I said I'll buy.

[12:15 Mycroft Holmes] Yes, sorry about that, didn't mean to distress you. I was making my escape. I told the director I had a situation with the Home Office that requires my personal attention. I'm on my way there now to instruct them on how the future will be. See you at the Mill shortly, then.

Sherlock put his phone back into his pocket and looked up at Lestrade with what he hoped was an apologetic expression, "Sorry about this, Inspector. That was my brother. It appears he has a task for me. A rather urgent one, to judge by the car pulling up."

"Well blast," Lestrade sighed, "So much for finishing our game. That's a pity, I was quite enjoying it. Does you good to get out into the fresh air and sunshine, doesn't it? Any thoughts about the case?"

"It was an inside job by the night clerk. Despite his menial employment, he has a master's degree in accounting."

"Damn! We'll have to check him again more thoroughly. Alright, well thank you, Sherlock. ...Oh dear, they look very serious."

"I'm afraid my brother is very serious when it comes to matters of national importance," Sherlock said, then turned to follow the agents sent to collect him. 

Well, keeping the Holmes boys from getting too frayed **was** a matter of national importance -- there was no telling what a danger they could be if _both_ of them exploded!


	3. Fit the Third

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes even Mycroft needs to vent his SHAWT stories.

_Unbelievable. Utterly unbelievable._ Mycroft had been rigidly trained to maintain politeness at all times (and all costs) but there were moments when he sorely envied his brother's freedom to be flippantly rude and this was one of them. Unable to take it any longer, he'd fled. It wasn't often that he walked, but now he wandered along the high street, looking into the shop windows even though there wasn't anything of interest to him. Then he spotted a familiar dark overcoat topped by a fluff of black curls, striding quickly through the crowded sidewalk. He broke into a run to catch up, braking himself and smoothing down his coat before closing the distance entirely. 

"I don't know why you bothered," Sherlock huffed, "I could hear you coming and see your shadow."

"Good afternoon to you too, Sherlock."

"What do you want?"

Mycroft made a brief face, "To talk to someone with more than one functioning brain cell."

Sherlock's expression softened slightly - If there was one thing that would buy Mycroft a ticket into his sympathies, it was this. "Stupid human at work today?"

"You have no idea," Mycroft sighed ruefully.

Well, that expression earned a guaranteed half hour of Sherlock's patience. He steered them into a small cafe, a sure indication of his willingness to let his ear be bent, "Do tell."

"The latest administrative assistant that HR has deemed suitable to inflict upon me is most definitely not up to the task."

"Ah." Sherlock wasn't the only member of the Holmes family people found difficult to work with. Mycroft's exacting standards and impersonal professionalism were usually perceived as cold and totalitarian. Although his executive staff were relatively stable, he had a high turnover in admin assistants, who preferred friendlier superiors with lower standards. Not that Mycroft didn't reward good work; he did, but what most people considered to be 'good work' was merely average in the eyes of the elder Holmes. "Well?"

"Another department sent me a particular form to be filled out and returned to them, so I forwarded it on to her, with, I shall note, the instruction 'see attached.' A short time later, she forwarded my email to the assistant in that department to request that the form be sent to her."

Sherlock's eyebrow flexed, "Which you had already sent to her. Hang on, if she forwarded it instead of replying..."

"Exactly - she sent the department assistant the exact form that she was requesting be sent to her." Sherlock's commiserating eyeroll was gratifying. "She cc'd me on it."

Sherlock paused with his cup halfway to his lips and his eyebrow shot up, "So now you had two copies of the form she couldn't find, as well as proof that she can't follow instructions."

"Quite."

"Good lord."

Mycroft took a long sip of his dark, cream-topped hot chocolate, almost daring his brother to comment about his diet. "But wait, there's more. The other department's assistant was courteous enough to email the file to her..."

"The exact same file that she already had."

"Mm-hmm, along with comprehensive instructions on how to complete it. Note that. Then the idiot woman was on the phone to the other department's assistant, asking where the form is."

That actually got a hint of a smile out of Sherlock. "What?"

"She said she couldn't find it on the email. It's _Outlook_ , Sherlock, it's not that hard! It puts the icon right there in front of you!" Sherlock was chuckling now, shaking his head in sympathy. "So the other woman suggested she try - wait for it - scrolling down."

"And lo!"

"And lo! - there's the file!"

Sherlock shook his head and sighed, smirking, "Well if Lestrade brings me any bodies that have been beaten to death with an umbrella, I shall claim shock. I still have the blanket."

"Kind of you, because that wasn't the end of it." Mycroft actually grinned - Sherlock's expression was priceless. "The form is a fillable PDF. She didn't know what to do with it."

"Despite the comprehensive instructions."

"It's just check boxes and radio buttons! You point, you click, you save! It's not that difficult!"

"Obvious, Lestrade, clearly she choked to death on her own incompetance."

"Then she phoned the other department's admin again and asked if she could fax the file instead."

"New project, find out if it's actually possible to choke someone with their own incompetance." 

"I have an ideal volunteer for your experiments," Mycroft sighed, "I shall be transferring her out as soon as I return, but I had to get out for some air. The stench of idiocy was overpowering. It smells much like _Chanel No. 5._ "

Sherlock's eyes widened theatrically, "My god, you're right! I always thought that was Donovan's perfume!" Mycroft actually laughed, albeit briefly. "Speaking of which, why do you smell like someone tried to drown you in a vat of _Paloma Picasso_?"

Mycroft made a face. "Yes, that's another issue that's driven me out into the comparitively fresh air. The office manager has hired a contractor whose understanding of personal hygiene is less than ideal. My PA has taken to wearing perfume in an effort to combat the effluvience. It tends to cling."

"I'm surprised you haven't said anything."

"I keep being assured that the man's presence is temporary but as his term drags out longer, I might have to."

Sherlock reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny jar, "Here."

"Tiger Balm?"

"A trick of cops and morticians, they rub a little on the upper lip when working with decomp and other particularly noxious situations. Drowns out the smell and temporarily overpowers the olfactory nerves. Might get you through until you get home. A jar of coffee beans will restore your sense of smell. Eventually," Sherlock added conscientiously. 

"Kind of you," Mycroft pocketted the jar then checked his watch and grimaced, "Unfortunately, my time out is running short. Thank you for indulging me."

Sherlock shrugged dismissively, "I was dealing with Anderson all morning."

Mycroft smirked - that explained everything. He took his leave of his brother and started walking back, feeling better. As he neared his office, he realized something.

[13:47 Mycroft Holmes] Did you nick my keys?

[13:47 SH] Yes

[13:48 Mycroft Holmes] Why?

[13:49 SH] So I can return them in a few minutes.

Mycroft shrugged and went into his office. His PA spent a few minutes updating him on what he'd missed and he mentioned expecting his brother to drop by. Sure enough, he did, with just the barest hint of mischief in his ice blue eyes. Mycroft pocketted his keys with a thoughtful look then went to check the security footage. 

Which had caught Sherlock slapping a deodorant stick onto the contractor's desk as he strode past. A few minutes later the contractor returned. 

[14:17 Mycroft Holmes] You brat. Caught that on camera.

[14:18 SH] You're welcome. Hope he takes the hint, I could smell it through the tiger balm.

[14:19 Mycroft Holmes] I believe he has commenced dying of mortification and is receiving no sympathies whatsoever from staff. Capital! I'll send you the footage later, if you like. 

[14:21 SH] Please do. John's about ready to stove Anderson's head in with an ice axe, he could use a laugh.

[14:22 Mycroft Holmes] Do I want to know?

[14:22 SH] No not really

[14:23 Mycroft Holmes] Very good. I'll text you later.

At home, it took about fifteen minutes of coffee bean inhaling to restore his sense of smell. He finished uploading the camera footage then pulled out his phone.

[19:13 Mycroft Holmes] Blue Mountain espresso roast seems to work the best. 

[19:24 SH] Best is dark roast Robusta but difficult to find. I have a stash in the freezer underneath the spleens.

[19:25 Mycroft Holmes] Noted.


	4. Code 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plague is spreading throughout London. Sherlock narrowly avoids it, and when it threatens John, Mycroft and Molly, he has to rescue them all -- Holmes style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry! ....okay yes I am.

"Sherlock, run!"

"John!"

"I'll cover you, just GO! Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"I can't just leave you, John!"

"We need your mind, Sherlock."

"And I need you!"

"....."

"....."

"They're coming. I'll hold them off. I'll be fine, I can handle this."

"I'll get you out of this, John, I swear it."

* * * *

[12:17 Mycroft Holmes] Code 17  
[12:17 SH] Code 17

[12:17 Mycroft Holmes] What?

[12:17 SH] Oh no

[12:18 Mycroft Holmes] You too?

[12:19 SH] I only just managed to escape but John didn't make it out.

[12:20 Mycroft Holmes] Oh no

[12:21 SH] I've got to get him out of there  
[12:21 SH] Where are you?

[12:22 Mycroft Holmes] They're hunting me. I only just managed to dodge them but I can't stay here.

* * * *

[12:21 Molly Hooper] Do you need anything? Fingers, toes, lungs, spleens, anything? Anything at all? Please?

[12:23 SH] Not now Molly John's trapped

[12:24 Molly Hooper] So am I! 

[12:25 SH] What? Don't tell me it's at Barts too?

[12:26 Molly Hooper] They caught me coming out of the cafeteria but I gave them the slip but they're looking for me and I can't dodge them forever

* * * *

[12:25 SH] I just took a text from Molly, she says it's reached Barts.  
[12:26 SH] Mycroft?

* * * * 

[12:27 SH] Molly are you able to do a voice call?

[12:27 Molly Hooper] Not here, they'll hear me. I'm in the cleaning cupboard.

[12:28 SH] Can you get outside? Claim a migraine, anything?

* * * * 

[12:28 SH] Mycroft?

* * * *

[12:29 SH] Molly, if you can get outside or anywhere it's safe to call voice, I need you to call John.  
[12:30 SH] Molly?

* * * *

[12:32 SH] MYCROFT

* * * *

[12:33 SH] MOLLY

[12:34 Molly Hooper] OH GOD THEY'VE FOUND ME!!

[12:34 SH] RUN

* * * * 

[12:40 Mycroft Holmes] I hate the Tube  
[12:41 Mycroft Holmes] My assistant sacrificed herself to bring me my emergency kit and buy my exit  
[12:41 Mycroft Holmes] I fear she's lost

[12:42 SH] I think they got Molly  
[12:42 SH] What are they picking on her for? She hasn't done anything to deserve this  
[12:43 SH] Where are you?

[12:42 Mycroft Holmes] The clever mortician? I'm so sorry.

* * * * 

"Hello?"

"Doctor Watson? I'm so sorry to call you in on your day off but you're needed at the surgery right away. We need all the help we can get, what with this outbreak of... of gangnamencephalitis."

"....... Yes, I see. Thank you, I'll be right there." ***snap*** "Sorry chaps, got called in."

* * * *

[12:50 John Watson] Molly is bloody brilliant. Was that your idea?  
[12:50 John Watson] I'm out. Where are you?

[12:51 SH] Did Molly make it out? She said they found her I was sure they'd got her

* * * *

[12:51 SH] Molly if you can read this head for the Tube lose yourself in the crowds

* * * *

[12:52 SH] John's out, Molly might be. I told her to run for the Tube if she can.

[12:53 Mycroft Holmes] I'm almost at Blackfriars. I'm in the second carriage near the back.

* * * *

[12:52 Molly Hooper] I'm at the Tube, Blackfriars

[12:53 SH] My brother says he's nearly there should be the next eastbound train. Get on the second carriage, near the back he says  
[12:53 SH] Fair Isle jumper and tweed cap  
[12:54 SH] Are you alright? John's safe

* * * *

"Um, excuse me, um... Are you.. Sherlock's brother?"

"I have that at-times-dubious honour. You must be Miss Hooper. A pleasure to meet you, I am Mycroft Holmes."

"Oh, um, Molly Hooper... but you know that already..."

"Quite alright, I understand you also had a very narrow escape."

"They wanted me to do 'Morgue Style!' Can you believe it? And these are the very same people who say that Sherlock's morbid!!"

"'Morgue Style'? Oh you poor dear, no wonder your wits are addled. I barely escaped 'Home Office Style.'"

"'Home...' Oh... You mean it's...?"

"Through all departments, I'm afraid. It's terrible when a Code 17 hits the government."

"What's a 'Code 17'?"

"Haha, that's Holmesish for 'mind-destroying social activity happening, please get me out of here.' It's usually a meme but sometimes it's a potluck."

"I wish I had a 'Code 17.'"

"Perhaps we can come to some arrangement."

* * * * 

"'Gangnamencephilitis??'"

"Sherlock said I needed to call you and I didn't know what else to say and it's infecting everywhere!"

"Well it was bloody brilliant, the both of you."

"It's even invaded Parliament, as session was being called."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You mean they...?"

**_"Yes."_ **

"...Do you need to talk about it?"

"Not with _your_ therapist."

"John's been through Afghanistan, he's seen a lot."

"Yes, and none of it compared to seeing Anderson and Donovan doing 'NSY Style.'"

"I knew I shouldn't have left you, John, I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright, Sherlock, it's fine, I got out of there before they started doing the elevator part."

"Oh god... Mike started doing the elevator part... I got out just in time."

"Mike? Mike Stamford? **Mike** was doing the elevator part?"

"John knows a crap therapist."

"Sherlock, Miss Hooper was in a state of disturbed mind when she reached me. We can't allow that to happen again, she should have a Code 17 option."

"Yes, Molly, how did you get out?"

"I...... told them I had a.. lunch date."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Molly, you're out and that's all that matters."

"..and i sent her to mycroft..." ***stomp*** "Ow!  John, that hurt."

"What was that?"

"I-- said, 'We should be safe at Angelo's.'"

"Capital idea. I'll buy."

* * * *

"Sherlock!! Come in, come in! Maria, our best table for Sherlock Holmes and his guests!"

"Thank you, Angelo. You've no idea what a day we've had."

"Well I have just the thing to cheer you up! You're just in time! -- We're doing 'Angelo's Style!'"


End file.
